Effort over aptitude
#7Praise your child's hard work, not their innate abilities.
This principle draws on Carol Dweck’s research on growth mindset — the finding that children praised for effort develop more resilience and persistence than those praised for innate ability. When kids hear “you’re so smart,” they learn to avoid challenges that might disprove that label. When they hear “you worked really hard on that,” they learn that effort is the path to getting better.
Supporting Values
This principle helps cultivate these core values in your family:
Practical Examples
- • Your child brings home a drawing. Instead of 'You're such a good artist!' try 'I love how you mixed those colors — tell me how you decided on that.'
- • Your 8-year-old gets an A on a test. Instead of 'You're so smart,' try 'All that studying really paid off. What helped you remember the material?'
- • Your child fails a math quiz. Instead of 'Maybe math just isn't your thing,' try 'That was a tough one. What felt confusing? Let's figure it out together.'
Related Activities
These family activities help put this principle into practice: